Barney the Dinosaur
Hound News File Photo
Barney the dinosaur, the seemingly eternal favorite of kids the world over, the controversial character whose sexual orientation was in question (Is he gay?), was brutally murdered two evenings ago. His body was found badly mutilated, bitten in several places, along with traces of what looks like the assailant's fur. He was last seen wearing his usual red cape entertaining kids with his usual song and dance routine.
Barney was 23 years old.
After a thorough investigation by police from Shetland Yard, led by the intrepid detective BullDog Holmes, the case was cracked and the culprit discovered. At Hound News, following an anonymous tipoff, we managed to buy off a set of picture evidence from a shady character at Bark Tavern. We pieced together the entire picture of the murder using those pictures we got, who were said to be taken by a photographer who was on the scene of the murder. It was not known if the photographer was working with the culprit.
Barney Spotted
Deciding to boycott the SMRT system due to them persecuting the talented graffiti artist who drew on the trains, Barney decided to take a walk through the woods, when he was spotted by the assailant.
The following pictures depict the vicious attack. Caution: gory content not suitable for children of certain ages. Please do not try the moves at home.
Checking out Barney
Getting pinned down
A Nasty Pile-driver!
Barney never had a chance
Biting Between the legs!
No, not the face!
At press time, the identity of the assailant remains unknown. The Police is appealing for eye witnesses to help with the investigations.
Reporter: The News Beagle
Disclaimer: Despite the fact that we at Hound News seem like a serious paper, we are still concerned with selling newspapers. The bigger the readership, the better! Certain parts of the story may have been intentionally sensationalized by the selective use of words, and the suggestive use of phrases that are half-truths. Certain information may also be embellished in an effort to provoke interest, criticism or opinions from the readers - we don't really care as long as people talk about the news, and more importantly, turn to us to whet their insatiable appetite for saucy news to spice up their dog boring lives.
We are also careful not to offend the higher ups, the YOU-KNOW-WHO. It is imperative, for the sake of continual publishing of news, that we do not criticize or speak ill of said higher ups. Even if it limits our freedom of barking. It's perfectly ok as long as we are fed the highest quality dog food.
1 comments:
Mr David. You can teach English also. Teach report writing! :P
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